DJ Marcel_1
For those that don't know; I'm a mechanic during the day, and I'd like to share some tools of the trade with you all........
Drill Press: A tall upright machine usefull for snatching flat metal stock out of your hands so hard it smacks you in the chest, and flings your Beer across the room, spattering any freshly painted part.
Wire Wheel: Cleans paint and grime off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the bench at the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and guitar player callouses, All in the amount of time It takes to say "ouch"
Electric hand drill Normally used for spinning pop rivets in the hole until you die of old age
Pliers Used to round off bolt heads
Hacksaw One of a family of tools built on the ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked unpredictable motion, The more you attempt to influence it's course the more dismal your future will be.
Vise Grips Used to alternately round off or break bolt heads. Also can be used to instantly transfer intense welding heat directly to the palm of your hand
Oxy/Acetylene Welding torch Universally used to light anything flammable in the shop on fire. Also usefull for melting grease in a bearing causing it to pop and stick to your work gloves like napalm
Whitworth Sockets Formerly used for repairing British imports Both Cars and Motorcycles. Now they lay about in the tool box imitating a useful 9/16 socket that you've been looking for.
Hydraulic floor jack Used for slowly lowering an automobile to the ground while changing the front brakes. After the car is laying on it's spindles, You finally find the safety stands under the bench behind the HubCaps that you removed when starting the job.
Gasket Scraper Advertised to quickly and safely remove gasket material from machined surfaces..........Practically useful for breaking razor blades and slicing the meaty party of the hand. Alternate use: cleaning dog S*** from your shoes.
Bolt and Stud Extractor Tool ten times harder than any drill bit, Yet always manages to break off in the seized, broken bolt that you just spent the last half an hour drilling
2 Ton Engine Hoist A tool that tests the breaking strain of anything you forgot to disconnect
1/2 x 16 inch Screwdriver A large prybar that curiously has an accurately machined screwdriver tip machined on the end opposite the handle.
Trouble Light The mechanics portable tanning booth; Also has a operating quirk that consumes 40 watt worklight bulbs at the same rate as the opening artillery barrage at the Battle of Vimy Ridge.
Phillips and Robertson Screwdrivers Normally used to stab holes the bottom of oil filters. Or can be used to inconveniently round off screw heads in the one screw that hasn't been moved in 6 years and now is the one remaining fastener holding the plastic trim in place that cannot be broken or you will see it EVERY TIME you sit in the drivers seat.
Air Compressor A unique machine that converts electricity to compressed air that travels through a leaky hose to a 15 year old Ingersol Rand impact wrench that immediately breaks the bolt head, forcing you to get the Electric hand drill and Bolt extractors
Pry Bar A tool used to crumple metal surrounding that clip or bracket you need to remove to replace a $0.50 trim retainer
Hose Cutter Has the remarkable ability to universally cut hose 1/4 inch too short no matter how many times you measured
Hammer Modern day divining rod that will always locate the most expensive part that is in the general location of the object that being targeted.
Dammit Tool Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage yelling DAMMIT!! at the top of your lungs. It is ALWAYS the tool you will require next
That's Funny I don't Care who you are - That's funny right there.
Drill Press: A tall upright machine usefull for snatching flat metal stock out of your hands so hard it smacks you in the chest, and flings your Beer across the room, spattering any freshly painted part.
Wire Wheel: Cleans paint and grime off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the bench at the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and guitar player callouses, All in the amount of time It takes to say "ouch"
Electric hand drill Normally used for spinning pop rivets in the hole until you die of old age
Pliers Used to round off bolt heads
Hacksaw One of a family of tools built on the ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked unpredictable motion, The more you attempt to influence it's course the more dismal your future will be.
Vise Grips Used to alternately round off or break bolt heads. Also can be used to instantly transfer intense welding heat directly to the palm of your hand
Oxy/Acetylene Welding torch Universally used to light anything flammable in the shop on fire. Also usefull for melting grease in a bearing causing it to pop and stick to your work gloves like napalm
Whitworth Sockets Formerly used for repairing British imports Both Cars and Motorcycles. Now they lay about in the tool box imitating a useful 9/16 socket that you've been looking for.
Hydraulic floor jack Used for slowly lowering an automobile to the ground while changing the front brakes. After the car is laying on it's spindles, You finally find the safety stands under the bench behind the HubCaps that you removed when starting the job.
Gasket Scraper Advertised to quickly and safely remove gasket material from machined surfaces..........Practically useful for breaking razor blades and slicing the meaty party of the hand. Alternate use: cleaning dog S*** from your shoes.
Bolt and Stud Extractor Tool ten times harder than any drill bit, Yet always manages to break off in the seized, broken bolt that you just spent the last half an hour drilling
2 Ton Engine Hoist A tool that tests the breaking strain of anything you forgot to disconnect
1/2 x 16 inch Screwdriver A large prybar that curiously has an accurately machined screwdriver tip machined on the end opposite the handle.
Trouble Light The mechanics portable tanning booth; Also has a operating quirk that consumes 40 watt worklight bulbs at the same rate as the opening artillery barrage at the Battle of Vimy Ridge.
Phillips and Robertson Screwdrivers Normally used to stab holes the bottom of oil filters. Or can be used to inconveniently round off screw heads in the one screw that hasn't been moved in 6 years and now is the one remaining fastener holding the plastic trim in place that cannot be broken or you will see it EVERY TIME you sit in the drivers seat.
Air Compressor A unique machine that converts electricity to compressed air that travels through a leaky hose to a 15 year old Ingersol Rand impact wrench that immediately breaks the bolt head, forcing you to get the Electric hand drill and Bolt extractors
Pry Bar A tool used to crumple metal surrounding that clip or bracket you need to remove to replace a $0.50 trim retainer
Hose Cutter Has the remarkable ability to universally cut hose 1/4 inch too short no matter how many times you measured
Hammer Modern day divining rod that will always locate the most expensive part that is in the general location of the object that being targeted.
Dammit Tool Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage yelling DAMMIT!! at the top of your lungs. It is ALWAYS the tool you will require next
That's Funny I don't Care who you are - That's funny right there.
Posted Wed 21 Oct 09 @ 12:33 am
Rob Kalmar
As a person who has helped out in my buddies welding shop business for the past 15yrs, I find it relatively hilarious lol
Our theme song is "They ordered white fence, but now they want it black, we thought we did that, but now they want us back" lol
Our second motto...Specialty Welding & Fabricating...
"We guarantee we'll be back" lol
Fixify & modify I always say!
Our theme song is "They ordered white fence, but now they want it black, we thought we did that, but now they want us back" lol
Our second motto...Specialty Welding & Fabricating...
"We guarantee we'll be back" lol
Fixify & modify I always say!
Posted Wed 21 Oct 09 @ 2:39 am
DJmga
DJ Marcel_1 wrote :
...
That's Funny I don't Care who you are - That's funny right there.
...
That's Funny I don't Care who you are - That's funny right there.
Watchin' too much Larry The Cable Guy ? "Git-R-Done" :-)
Posted Wed 21 Oct 09 @ 6:57 am
DJ Marcel_1
DJmga wrote :
Watchin' too much Larry The Cable Guy ? "Git-R-Done" :-)
DJ Marcel_1 wrote :
...
That's Funny I don't Care who you are - That's funny right there.
...
That's Funny I don't Care who you are - That's funny right there.
Watchin' too much Larry The Cable Guy ? "Git-R-Done" :-)
Is there such a thing as too much larry?
Posted Wed 21 Oct 09 @ 1:02 pm